Sad in bed

To My Kids’ Mom – Please Forgive Me

Have you heard that forgiveness is a process? You think you forgave whoever caused you pain…and then BAM: You feel hurt and unsettled and angry again! Then you have to go through the process of working through all those feelings again, grieving the loss again, choosing forgiveness again.

In these verses, you can clearly see we are called to forgive whoever hurt us – just like Jesus has given you forgiveness for so much more!

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
  • Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
  • Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13
  • Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22
  • Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:12-13

Please, forgive me!

I realized that it’s been that way for me and the mom of my step-kids for far too long, So I wrote this for her and to her:

Oh my goodness I am so sorry. I have been married to my husband (your ex-husband) for eleven years now and am also ”Mom” to your first two babies, which I realize must be a real blow. My own ex-husband just remarried and although I have real affection for the wonderful woman he married and have no ill feelings toward my ex-husband (any more), it still smarts that I will not be the only Mom to my “baby” (Co-Parenting Done Right Still Sucks)

Alas, I digress….back to the painfully embarrassing and quite overdue apology: I have committed so many sins against you. Please, forgive me.

  • In the beginning of our marriage, I arrogantly thought that I knew better than you when it came to our mutual kids. Please, forgive me.
  • When my husband was deployed and you wouldn’t let me see the kids, and then you sued him for full custody so you could move away, I wanted nothing good to happen for you. When you lost that case, I both rejoiced and smugly pitied you. Please, forgive me.
  • When you remarried and had a baby, I felt delighted for our mutual children and families. And then you took us to court again so you could leave Las Vegas. It broke my heart and I hated you. Please, forgive me.
  • I always taught our children to say something wasn’t our “favorite” because “hate” was such as strong word. But that’s how I felt about you. Please, forgive me.
  • The future of our our mutual two children living life without the regular influence of both their biological parents, who both wanted to be in their daily lives broke my heart. As a person who holds “right” and “wrong” in high regard, this was an unforgivable wrong. But I was wrong to hold so tightly to what I thought was right and wrong! Please, forgive me.
  • Since God allowed you to raise our daughter and us to raise our son, it must be what He ordained. So, who am I to say it was wrong? Who am I to say things should have happened differently? It is what it is and my feelings of angst and anger and disappointment and sadness and unforgiveness have got to be let go. It’s killing me and hurting our children. Oh, Momma, please forgive me!

More forgiveness needed!

We recently returned from a long road trip in which we had another family stay in our home. They blessed us by caring for our home and dog and we were able to bless them by giving them a safe place to live for the weeks we were away. It was a godsend for both of our families. Anyhow, in going through and unpacking all the things I had previously packed up to make room for this wonderful family (and realizing I simply do not need this much stuff), I also saw several items that my step-daughters mom/my husbands ex-wife got me from my daughter that were actually pretty freaking cool – a beautiful heart shaped locket necklace and essential oil diffuser and oils – I thought, “Oh my goodness! When I got these gifts, I actually felt SAD that they didn’t really come from my daughter but from her MOM.” But then I realized, “What a BLESSING that she thought so highly of me and thought I would enjoy these gifts…” And I DO… How ungrateful was I?
Please, forgive me. I have been selfish, self-absorbed, and unforgiving. And I am so, so sorry for this. God is absolutely showing me that I was wrong and I need to let go….again. Praise Him for his unending grace, love, and forgiveness!

This article was originally posted in June 2019. It is now April 2021. I thank God that Britney has forgiven me and that we are able to talk and text about our mutual desire for the well-being of all of our children. It is a blessing I never could have imagined in 2008. But GOD!

Kate Fraiser is a Parent Coach with Connect Point Moms helping you create stronger relational connections with the children in your life. This starts with being aware of your own stuff so you can BE PRESENT with your children in the moment you’re in, and then knowing and using the best ways to communicate with them. For quick and helpful parenting videos, find her on InstagramYouTubeTikTok or Facebook.