Is the dread of Mother’s Day starting to cause you anxiety? If you are a Mom or a Step-mom who has felt that Mother’s Day disappointment, but this year you want to learn to do it differently, read on for these three tips to alleviate this disappointment, and help make this Mother’s Day be different than all the rest!
#1 Adjust Expectations to Deter Disappointment
You may work outside of the home, stay home with 9 kids all day, or be somewhere in between. It could be that you are the one responsible for meal planning, grocery shopping, and cleaning. You are probably the one most responsible for taking care of the kids’ needs. This makes Mother’s Day all that much more special – or disappointing!
How wonderful would it be if your husband took care of the responsibilities that were typically on YOUR shoulders? Or how loved would you feel if he helped the kids prepare you breakfast, create (or buy) you a gift, and shower you with appreciation? Well, how are they going to know this is what you want if you don’t tell them?
You teach people how to treat you.
If you don’t make your desires, hopes, and dreams known…. no one is going to know them! How about taking a moment right now and think about what it is you really want for Mother’s Day. Is it a heartfelt sentiment written in a card? Maybe you would like a craft, flowers, or a new dress. Do you want your step-children to be with you for at least part of the day? Heck, maybe you just want to get a massage and be left ALONE for the day.
ANY of those wants are OK! You can ask for what you want. The worst thing that could happen is that they don’t listen (that’s a different issue). However, the BEST thing that could happen is you get what you want! Through your modeling, your children will learn that they teach people how to treat them. They will learn it is ok to ask for what you want. AND, perhaps most importantly, they can learn how to handle disappointment when things don’t go your way.
#2 Check Your Perspective About Mother’s Day
Now that you’ve thought about your expectations for this day, you may be feeling sad about how your family isn’t what you imagined it to be. Perhaps you wanted lots of children and only had one. Maybe you don’t have biological children at all and your kids are your step-kids. Or you don’t have a husband to help the children celebrate you on Mother’s Day. Or maybe you lost your own mom so this holiday is a sad reminder for you. Whatever your situation, honor your feelings and emotions.
It is OK if you don’t even like Mother’s Day – for whatever reason – but it’s most important that you are honest with yourself about it. If your kids or step-kids or husband don’t make a big deal out this day, it might hurt you. Don’t push that hurt away. Feel it. Mourn the disappointment. Because if you don’t first feel it you can’t then let it go!
After you’ve felt it, know that your children most certainly DO love and appreciate you! They may not show it how you want (see #1), but it’s important to look for the things that your kids or step kids or husband do DO that let you know they care about you. That you matter. Because you do.
#3 Celebrate Mother’s Day on a Different Day
Let’s face it, sometimes Sundays are just darn inconvenient! You may want all of your kids together, but coparenting schedules won’t let that work on actual Mother’s Day. My husband and I happen to work at a church, so Sundays are always work days – Not ideal for any of us to do any relaxing! If you are in a situation like this, why not choose to make your Mother’s Day on a different day? You could celebrate the following Sunday or the Saturday before. Heck, you can choose a Tuesday if you want – it’s YOUR day!
Praying you have the Mother’s Day you’ve dreamed about…and if you don’t please know that you are not alone! Comment below about successes or sadnesses you may have experienced in past Mother’s Day. I’d like to share in your joys and your sorrows!
Kate Fraiser is a Parent Coach with Connect Point Moms helping you create stronger relational connections with the children in your life. This starts with being aware of your own stuff so you can BE PRESENT with your children in the moment you’re in, and then knowing and using the best ways to communicate with them. For quick and helpful parenting videos, find her on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, or Facebook.