Does Comparing Really Steal Joy?

Does what you think about most of the time bring you joy? How do you feel about your appearance, spouse, kids, or home? Are your thoughts filled with comparing yourself, your parenting, spouse, or work to others? Perhaps you find yourself dwelling on what your life could or should be like…especially if you had what she had. Comparing yourself and your life to others is a trap. But you won’t know you’re in it until you first take an honest inventory of your thought life. Are you ready to learn to do it differently?

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man?
If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Where does Comparing Happen for You?

Take some quiet time and ask God to bring to your mind all the areas of your life where comparing is the strongest and write them down. This will help you identify where you find the sin of comparison stealing your joy. Include the names of specific people to whom the comparison is strongest.

Remember, it starts with you, so if YOU are not aware that you are actually coveting your best friend’s life, how can you expect to get freedom from that?

  • Here are some ideas to get you started:
    • Physical appearance (“I’m too thin, curvy, wrinkly, freckly, curly-haired, grey-haired….”)
    • Marriage (“Her husband is more loving than mine…or…At least she has a husband!”)
    • Parenting/children (“Why can’t my kids just _______ like her children?”)
    • Your home (“It’s not big enough, clean enough, organized enough, decorated enough….”)
    • Your job (“How does she work and homeschool and keep a neat home and I’m barely showered?”)
    • Spiritual gifts (“I wish I could sing, pray, cook, bake, lead like her!”)

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.

Galatians 6:4

For what can you be grateful right now?

When You’re Comparing, Remember This:

Look at each name and area where comparing is the strongest. Remind yourself:

  1. Just as YOU are a sinner in need of Jesus’s saving grace, this person needs Him daily as well.
  2. Know that while it may seem like they have it “all” – looks, well-behaved children, a clean home, an attentive husband – they also could be crippled by comparison and the opinions of others, too.
  3. Name at least three things a day for which you are greatful. This could be breath in your lungs, a car to drive, legs to carry you, or food in your pantry.
  4. Remind yourself that EVEN IF you were blessed with copious amounts of money or time or physical attractiveness or optimal health or (insert your desire here), you STILL would not be as satisfied, free, or loved as you are when you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, the only Son of God!

For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Romans 8:6

His peace be with you.

Learning To Do It Differently:

Read and meditate on the verses in this article, or others you find while reading on your own that the Spirit brings to your mind. Ask God to take the sin of comparison away from you and replace it with joy, contentment, and peace in Him alone!

  • Discover how the spirit-led people of God focused on what really mattered – and the things they experienced when they didn’t:
    • Cain and Abel – Genesis 4:1-16
    • Jacob and Esau – Genesis 25:19-34, 27:1-45
    • Leah and Rachel – Genesis 29:15-35, 30:1-24
    • Saul and David – 1 Samuel 15 – 31
    • The older brother/prodigal son – Luke 15:11-32

In our world there is SO MUCH confusion and division: Do masks really work or is this an infringement on my “rights”? Should my kids go to in-person school or should I do something else? Can “love is love” really be that simple?

Please know that God is NOT a God of confusion but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33) and He reveals absolute truths in the Bible that have a lasting impact on our lives. But, you need to take time to read these truths for yourself! Why not start right now?


Kate Fraiser is a Parent Coach with Connect Point Moms helping you create stronger relational connections with the children in your life. This starts with being aware of your own stuff so you can BE PRESENT with your children in the moment you’re in, and then knowing and using the best ways to communicate with them. For quick and helpful parenting videos, find her on InstagramYouTubeTikTokor Facebook.

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